The father-daughter dynamic. Something growing up I never really understood. How could I? After all, it was just my brother and I. I remember going to friend’s houses or seeing in movies this bond that a father and daughter shared and I just couldn’t fully wrap my mind around it - or I honestly didn’t care. I had the father-son dynamic and the mother-son bond that both shaped me into the man I have become.
Before Rachel was even pregnant, both of us decided that it would be nice to have a girl first. Obviously God has the ultimate say, but for whatever reason we came up with the conclusion that we would like a girl. Why? I couldn’t tell you. When we found out our firstborn would be a girl, I don’t recall this overwhelming wave of emotion that is often depicted in stories or movies. I didn’t really think too much of it. It was still a few months away, and what difference did it make? Boy or girl, we were ushering new life into the world.
However, as the due date grew closer some thoughts started creeping into my mind:
“Dolls are creepy. I hope my daughter doesn’t play with dolls.”
“How do I brush her hair?”
“Will it be weird for a dad to give his daughter a bath?”
“Please Lord, don’t play softball.”
“How am I going to handle tough conversations? Oh yeah, that’s what Mom’s for!”
“I am going to spend way too much money on this girl.”
Some of these thoughts may seem ridiculous to you. But these were honest-to-goodness things that crossed my mind. Now that Claire is approaching two years old, I have begun to wonder how there was ever a time in my life where I didn’t have this father-daughter connection. It is strong. It is fun. It is unique.
Those thoughts I once had have turned into:
Giving dolls high-fives and tucking them into bed.
Treating her with conditioner like we’re at a salon or something, then brushing it to show off her pretty curls.
Bath time is one of our closest bonding times.
Still Lord, please don’t let her play softball.
Having fun and learning conversations.
Definitely spoiling this cute little princess.
Why was I ever doubting? Why was I ever worried? This little girl has provided me more precious moments than I feel my life has ever had in the 27 years I didn’t know her yet. The connection that I have made with my daughter in her short life so far is one that I could not fathom and one that I cannot imagine my life without.
There will be times in the future that our relationship will take rocky tumbles - I am sure of that. I have coached enough teenage girls at 6:00 am to know that things are not always happy and giggly. But this connection that I have and am continuing to form with a girl I have only known for 20 months is strong and fierce. Those rocky tumbles won’t stand the test of time because I love her unconditionally and without fail. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her.